Husband: Is that a drip I hear? Wife: Yeah. Husband: Weren't you the last one to use the bathroom? Wife: So? Husband: Did you use the faucet? Wife: Yeah. Husband: Then why didn't you turn it off? Wife: I did turn it off. Husband: Well, if you turned it off, why am I listening to it? Wife: Did it occur to you it could be turned off and drip at the same time? Husband: No. If you turned it off, it wouldn't drip. Wife: Maybe it's broken.
Husband: Is that what you're saying? It's broken? Wife: Yeah, that's it. It's broken. Husband: Maybe you didn't twist it hard enough? Wife: I twisted it just right. Husband: How could you be so sure? Wife: If you will look in the manual, you will see that this particular model faucet requires a range of 10 to 16 foot-pounds of torque. I routinely twist to maximum-allowable torque. Husband: How could you be sure you used 16 foot-pounds of torque? Wife: Because I used a Craftsman model 1019 laboratory edition Signature Series torque wrench. The kind used by Cal-tech high-energy physicists and NASA engineers. Husband: Well, in that case, how could you be sure that's accurate? Wife: Because a split second before the torque wrench was applied to the faucet handle, it had been calibrated by top members of the state and federal department of weights and measures to be dead-on balls accurate. Here's a certificate of validation. Husband: Dead-on balls accurate? Wife: It's an industry term. Husband: I guess the fucking thing is broken.